Part 1
http://kazakhstan.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-talk-to-young-children-about-adop

Part 2
http://kazakhstan.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-talk-to-young-children-about-adop-2

Part III....
Shared with permission

If parents are going to get beyond the facade of "I don't EVER think about adoption and I don't have ANY questions" they are going to have to learn to tune-in to their child's round-about way of sending clues and also his behavioral clues that will signal that he is thinking about adoption and how it pertains to him. For example, a child who sobs and sobs over a kitten who is spending her first night away from Momma Cat may really be just sad for the kitten, but is more likely to be thinking a bit about how it might have been for her to have spent her first night away from her birth mother. A child whose behavior changes quite suddenly and is continually getting into trouble at school may be thinking that he was such a "bad" baby that even his "own" (this is the term others, outside the family use-- and children know it and are confused by it) birth parents "didn't want him." He may be so fearful that you, too, will not want him that he is testing this out. Another child
may be, all of a sudden, daydreaming all the time and not able to focus in on her school work.

Wise parents consider where their child will be a few years ahead of time, and parent their child accordingly. How DO parents of preschool children prepare themselves and their child for the stage ahead, when adoption will be more than the joyous way that they became part of their forever family? ARE there things that parents can do to make sure that their child knows how to communicate what they are thinking, feeling, and wondering about?

One of the most valuable keys to effective parenting and to helping children talk openly about adoption is to help them learn to recognize and express their feelings at an early age. Most parents, if asked, believe that they do this, but in reality, few of us know how to communicate about our own feelings or how to help and encourage others to talk about theirs. Instead, we listen the intent of responding. We use lots of "buts" in our conversation or respond by saying what we think. We try to tell the other how to change what they are feeling. We are judgmental i.e."You shouldn't feel that way. You aren't thinking correctly about this." One boy told me that he feels like he is a comma in the middle of his father's sentences. His dad listens without listening and then goes right on with what he was intending to say. This is an area that we all need to fine-tune.

Reflective listening is a particular type of listening whereby one listens carefully to the words and tone of voice and watches the body language of another to try to understand how that other person is feeling, regardless of the words that are actually spoken. The listener mirrors the possible feeling to the other person in the form of a tentative guess at how that person is feeling. This gives the other the opportunity to recognize and tell how he is feeling about the topic of conversation. It is NOT telling the other that you KNOW how he feels. It is NOT questioning the other about how he feels.

For example, one day one of my children came home with a huge scowl, stomped around the kitchen, and criticized his younger brother non-stop. "You seem to be really angry about something" I said. "I am NOT!" he stormed, but I noticed that he settled down a bit. "Gosh, I'm surprised. You just seem to be upset or sad" I said. Later, I intervened when he and his sister got into their millionth argument. "You don't even care what happens to me!" he shouted. "It seems like I don't notice what is going on with you" I mirrored. "Yeah, you don't even care that everybody else got invited to Billy's party except me!" he wailed. "I'm guessing that you are really hurt and angry about that. Tell me more about it" I said.