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Logan and I were at a Valentine’s Day brunch yesterday with families who have adopted from Kazakhstan. We went through various updates and it was funny how far “down” I had suppressed the memories of the wait – until I sat around that table listening to how difficult those times were. I guess life takes over and you forget how much you just wanted to be there and be back to start life as a family.
Lauri wrote about how to survive the wait on the Kazakhstan Adoption Blog in February of last year:
http://kazakhstan.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-survive-the-wait
Fellow blogger Faith Allen (Hoping to Adopt Blog) has a complete series dedicated to just this topic:
http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/surviving-the-wait-top-ten-list
Top Ten Ways to Survive the Wait
1. Learn how to “be”
2. Take care of your body
3. Volunteer
4. Participate in hobbies
5. Grieve your losses
6. Deal with unresolved issues
7. Strengthen your marriage
8. Build your faith
9. Journal
10. Continue with your life (travel, advance your career, etc.)
My personal experience was you had all this time to somewhat “control” the process, participating in home study, making and attending appointments – physicals, finger prints and traveling or sending documents to get notarized and appostilled.
Then – it is out of your hands – you must wait for the various organizations to process your paperwork and as busy as you were – you are now at a stand still and you feel “lost” at what to do! From busy, busy to a stand still – it is a huge difference – or least it was for us.
The above blogs give a more logical view on the wait – so I thought I’d share some of those grown-up things –that you should take some time to “breathe in” and appreciate during this wait phase. (PLEASE note I’d NEVER trade my life – but at times I find myself missing my “adult” world):
1.) Go to dinner as often as possible with your spouse – enjoy eating your dinner while it is warm – without bathroom breaks or stopping to cut everyone’s food before your own.
2.) Enjoy the quiet reading or thinking time – honestly – as much as you miss the laughter in your home now – you’ll sometimes just wish for a moment that someone isn’t yelling MOM or fighting!
3.) Look around the bathroom – you’re alone – this is probably the last time you’ll shower or use the toilet without someone in there or in the room with you.
4.) Lay in bed at night with out arms or elbows in your side! It is amazing how much space a little one can take up in a king size bed.
5.) Enjoy not breaking up fights and being a referee.
6.) Sit down to eat with your spouse while your food is hot – with a dinner free of spills.
7.) Go shopping without being asked when you’re going to leave when you enter the store. (Honestly – dressing room doors have “accidentally” opened during the trying on of bathing suits!)
8.) Speak with other adults without interruptions.
9.) Never feel like you have to worry about your child saying someone is fat, ugly or is “bad” for smoking.
10.) Dream of when all these things will be happening – because in all honestly – you’ll love it and won’t trade it for a minute – but you may “miss” it.
